I fucking hate everyone.

My grandmother fucking yelled at me today and told me I needed to stop living in the past and to get over myself. And fucking everyone ganged up on me like they always do. All my life people have ganged up on me. When me and my mom would argue my brother would get into it for no reason and just say all this shit and my mom would agree and they always gang up on me. For no reason at all. It happens all the time. ONE: If me and mom are arguing, stay out of it. It obviously has nothing to do with you. TWO: I don't need to get over myself. I don't need to stop living in the past. OBVIOUSLY, the past is where I was happy. I had friends and a HOME in the past. What the fuck are YOU talking about. And my dad and I email each other. And my grandma said that he just wants me to come back so that he can have something to control again. Everytime he e-mails me I tell my mom what he says and he's always very nice. And then my mom says negative shit that makes me want to be mad at him. Like, why? WHY? And my grandma has NOTHING to do with this. So WHY the fuck is she giving me what she called a "harsh reality check"?

Don't fucking tell ME how to live my life. I don't give two shits what you have to say about anything. Don't come in here and yell at me all out of nowhere and try to take control of everything. We're staying in your house; true. We're following your rules. We're changing the way we live to accomodate YOU. Why the FUCK do you have anything to say to me? HUH? Why? There is no reason. So just shut the fuck up and don't say shit else to me.

And when you go out somewhere, WHY CAN'T I COME? I mean, I'm a part of the family too. My brother fucking bosses me around like he owns me and then beats the shit out of me. WHY? For no FUCKING reason.

I can't stand this shit. In Maryland I had friends. I had a life. I had shit to look forward to everyday. I liked my school and my classes. I got good grades. You pull me away from that and expect me to just mold into this new lifestyle with the snap of your fingers? NO. It doesn't happen that way. So sorry. I'm tired of having to swallow tears everyday. We left MD to get away from this. In MD, things weren't bad for me. The only people it was bad for was my mom and brother. And they are justified. But my dad never did anything to me. I left so that I could be happier, because I'm happier with my mom. Why don't I just go back? I'm seriously considering it. I have no friends here, no life, I fight with my mom and brother everyday, and now my grandmother thinks she owns me. Fuck this shit. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of crying, I'm tired of smoking, I'm tired of relying on drugs to make me feel better, I'm tired of being sick, I'm tired of having headaches, I'm tired of school, I'm tired with people, and I'm absolutely fed up with being tired.

FUCK.

--Ashley--